Ugly Car Guide! Half a month late, for your convenience

Acura

Wow, this showed up way later than intended. No matter, here's the start of the Your Car is Ugly Guide, our attempt to make sure you're buying the least ugly cars around. I might go ahead and get pictures up eventually, but I figure this is being posted so much later than I intended that I should get the text up at least.

Acura CSX:



This is, basically, a Honda Civic. Yes they changed the headlights. They even changed the taillights. Then, satisfied, they took a nap. But, even if they clearly expended no effort whatsoever in making it unique, that does not affect whether something is good looking or not. So, in spite of being incredibly lazy, the CSX is in fact a good looking car. It's got the regular Civic's space-pod design, which is both daring and exciting, and you get the added bonus of having slightly different taillights. So, I assume, you can lord it over other Civic owners. I don't know.

Verdict: Good looking. Pointless, but good looking.

Acura TSX:



Yes, it's named after a stock exchange. And yes, all of your friends in Europe will chuckle at you, because you just bought a tarted up European Honda Accord. But, regardless, it's a good looking car. It manages to look sort of aggressive and sporty, or at least as aggressive and sporty as you're going to get in a family sedan, and it has really nice taillights. Sure, in 50 years nobody's going to look back on the TSX as some sort of design landmark, but you can drive it and still be proud of it. Until some Europeans start laughing at you.

Verdict: Good looking.

Acura TL:



This is not a tarted up Euro Accord. No, really! Sure, it looks basically just like a TSX, except for a nice accent line and a more boring rear end, but it's actually a different car!

Verdict: Yes, still good looking, even if they should have tried a little harder.

Acura RL:



You know, since I have given all of the other Acura's passing grades so far, you might wonder if I'm much softer than I intend to be. Hell, two of the cars mentioned before were barely different from cars Honda already makes. What on earth is wrong with me? Well, nothing, because those are all good looking cars. This one, however, isn't. Oh, sure, it's not ugly. It has decent proportions, none of the lines are all weird and wrong, and it's a generally fine car. There's nothing really all that wrong with it, per se. But then, there's nothing really right with it either. It's a car so bland and uninteresting that it doesn't even have any defining features anymore. The perfect getaway vehicle, nobody could tell you what on earth it was.

Verdict: Boring. Worse than ugly, because if something is ugly, it's at least notable in some way.

Acura RDX:



People buy SUVs because they look tough. People buy CUVs - "Crossover utility vehicles", basically the dumbest vehicle descriptor known to man - because they realize that SUVs aren't as good as cars, but still want to look tough. The RDX, then, succeeds admirably. With its narrow eyes and tough grille, it looks like something out of a kick ass sci-fi film. You half expect Schwarzenegger to jump out and shoot people.

Verdict: Good looking.

Acura MDX:



Michael Bay wants you to believe that all good Transformers are made by GM. But the MDX has this big shield on the front of it, right where the Autobots logo would go. So, Michael Bay is covering for the real good Tranformers, which are actually posh Acura CUVs. Either that, or he's right, and it's a Decepticon, and thus evil. Oooooh, scary.

Verdict: I'm not going to say anything mean about a giant transforming robot, am I? Though, to be honest, it is on the unattractive side, with stupid flared wheel arches and a dumb front bumper. Please don't kill me robot overlords.