Chevrolet Silverado

The other day I saw a Chevy Silverado driving down the street. I thought to myself "You don't see those very often, they must not be too successful," before realizing that it was my neighbors' truck, I drive by it every day, and I actually drive by tons of them constantly. Yet, somehow, I don't notice them. It's a gigantic vehicle with no presence, how did GM pull that off?

I'm not particularly biased towards or against any particular brand when it comes to trucks. In fact, the GM has made the best looking trucks for decades, up to the 1998 model, which finally ceded the crown to Ford. The model before that was possibly the best looking truck ever made, in spite of an interior filled with bad ideas and tiny buttons to ensure that people wearing giant work gloves could never adjust the climate control or radio. Actually, the fact that the electronics were notorious for breaking also contributed to that. Still, it was a good looking vehicle, and eventually even got an interior that was functional. Farmers and construction workers were happy.

The '98-2007 model, while not particularly good looking, at least had presence. It was odd, with the slightly melted curves and ample swaths of ill-considered plastic additions it had a toy-like appearance, but the thing was so big that it was no toy. It was a scaled up Tonka toy, and while I hated it at first glance, it has since grown on me and I can admit that it had a certain distinct presence.



This new Silverado has no presence, and instead of forging ahead with some of the good ideas from trucks past, it just repeats what Ford and Dodge have been doing. Yet, it does that to lesser effect, and it winds up being a massive vehicle with no presence. It could be any truck, it's pretty much every truck.

The problems start at the front end. The giant grille is certainly trendy, though it doesn't really fit anything GM had done before. So, here's a massive grille, that pushes the headlights to the periphery and takes over the front of the truck. In an obvious cost saving move, it also is easily switched out for the GMC grille, which leads to the first loss of identity.

Chevrolet has never really been about the grille, their trucks have been marked out primarily by the thick bar which divides it and the headlights. It's the most distinctive part of the design, and one of the ways you can tell immediately you're looking at a Chevy truck. So, the obvious thing to do is de-emphasize it to the point where the bar is barely even a design element. It's cheaper, but it's less interesting and is part of the any-truck problem that the vehicle has. It's a grille swap away from being a GMC, but it doesn't have any identity outside of that grille. You could swap on a Ford badge and it'd fit just as well, though Ford actually has a design language on their trucks. It could be anything.

The indistinct looks continue as you go. The comically large fender flares are sort of unique, but such things are a truck cliche at this point, and by making them absurdly large it somehow dulls the impact. It's something anybody could do, but it doesn't actually add anything, and in spite of being massive they're also kind of subtle, since they're not emphasized in any other way. Giving the truck flat sides would have been more unique.



One thing the massive flares do is most noticeable on the back of the truck. The wheels are lost in the massive opening. It looks like a body mod gone horribly wrong, or that you're going along on your space saver. The thing is, the wheels aren't small, and even on the gigantic heavy duty models they never actually fill the fender. I wonder how much box space is wasted by the gigantic wheel wells.

Still, that's something which is unique, and the only unique thing from a rear 3/4 view. The taillights are a direct rip of the Dodge Ram from the same era, and since there's so little that can be done on the back of a truck, using the same shape and style of taillights is a definite no-no. The badge, at least, is gigantic, so people have some idea of who made the truck. There's also a character line that doesn't really have enough of an impression to really stand out, and the half-spoiler/half-rubber step on the top of the tailgate, which always looks like a last minute addition even though GM has been using it for years. One would think some effort would me made to integrate it a little.

The problem is, that mistake is the only thing that makes the truck unique. It could wear any badge with no problem, something that cannot be said of any of its competitors. It's surely a challenge to make a large and imposing truck without giving it any presence whatsoever, but GM managed it, and now I'm always surprised when I actually notice one driving down the street.

Chevrolet Silverado owners, your truck is boring.

Scion tC

After an...ahem...three year hiatus, Your Car is Ugly is back! Alright! It'll continue to be about critiquing the looks of cars, so it'll be exactly the same. First up in YCIU Mk. II, the Scion tC.



The Scion tC stands for, I'm assuming, Scion Toyota Celica. It fills the same role in the Toyota lineup, as the small two door coupe which is supposed to appeal to the sporty, cool, interesting people who buy such things. Or rather, used to buy such things, there aren't very many on the market anymore. The first one was a perfectly nice two door coupe, this one is slightly less so.

From the front, the first thing you notice is that the headlights are a lot like the headlights on a Honda Accord. Actually, the front end as a whole is a lot like a Honda, especially on the lower bumper, with a big rectangular hole. Honda loves doing big rectangular holes for their lower air intake, generally with the absolute minimum of styling. Combined with the Accord lamps one wonders if the badges were wrong. Actually, this car seems to ape a lot of Honda's less admirable styling qualities.

One thing you can't see from this angle is how short the thing is. The vertical lines around the cabin emphasize the length on that part of the body, which really deemphasizes the length of the hood and trunk. It looks short and squat, which isn't exactly sporting.

The roof is bizarre, actually. For one, the windows are really too narrow, which someone clearly thinks makes a car look cool and low - it's certainly on trend - but here makes the unadorned sides look extremely thick. Then the back window ends in a point way too soon, leading to this massive C-Pillar, and lots of metal on the lower roof. I'm assuming it's an attempt to be sporting, but it looks like a miscommunication, like someone didn't know just how long the roof would be.



Moving on to the back, somebody put the wrong taillights on it. The trunk lid and rear fenders contort themselves to match them - and include a reference to the very much not sporty Honda Pilot in the process - but it doesn't work. These are the wrong taillights. It also showcases how preposterously thick the car is from this angle. That's a lot of sheet metal, and all the accent lines and big shapes in the world can't hide that. A sports car should look athletic, this looks like a small house. Not as visible from this particular angle is the area around the license plate, which has such a big molding on top one wonders if a mistake wasn't made during the manufacturing process.

Is the new tC good looking? It's squat, it's short, it seems to have many of the wrong parts fitted and it doesn't have that sense of movement that a good sports car needs. It's less Usain Bolt, more nuclear bunker.

Scion tC drivers, your car is ugly.