Audi Q7
It really isn't hard to design an SUV is it? You take a big station wagon shape, add some big wheel flares and pointless black plastic around the bottom, and then sell it to people with more money than sense. In the Audi's defense, the Q7 has decent proportions, and looks much better than its VW Toureg and Porsche Cayenne cousins. Even then, it looks like a great reason to do the sensible thing and buy one of Audi's nice station wagons instead.
Verdict: Ugly
Audi R8
A supercar should have two things going for it: sex and violence. The Audi R8 has both. The angry eyes and big mouth say it will probably eat your children, and the muscular, no nonsense shape says it will probably bed your wife while doing it. And yet, it has a stupid panel right behind the door that's a different color for no reason. But really, that's more of a beauty mark than anything.
Verdict: Good looking
Audi TT
The first TT wasn't really a sports car. Sure, it had two doors and sometimes four wheel drive, but it was mostly a way of getting your hair from one place to the next. A fashion accessory over a mode of transportation. Sure it looked fashionable, but there wasn't really much forward motion going on in the arches-on-arches looks, and with its alarming tendancy to lift, there wasn't much forward motion going on when you drove it either.
The latest TT, however, tries to be a sports car. So, they tried to make it look speedy by leaning the whole thing backward slightly and tossing in some speedy accent lines. It didn't work. So now we have an Audi TT with slightly more generic looks and slightly more fussy detailing. In short, they ruined it. Now how will you get your hair to the salon?
Verdict: Ugly
Audi A3
A cynic might say that the A3 is a VW Golf in wolf's clothing. Sure, but it's also tightly styled, nicely detailed, and sends the message that you're a tough, smart professional. Which is a lie, because you just bought a Golf in wolf's clothing.
Verdict: Good looking, anyway.
Audi A4
The A4 was designed before Audi adopted its pointlessly gigantic corporate grille. The early ones were actually pretty, but now it looks like someone glued an unnecessarily gigantic grille onto the front of it. Which they did, actually
Verdict: Ugly, but just barely.
Audi A5
I can't quite figure out this one. Sometimes, it looks really terrible, with its gigantic grille, flat-ish front end, annoyingly formal roof-line, and the same undulating accent line that Hyundai is really fond of lately. Then, if the sun is just right in the sky, and my mood is in just the right range, that same flat front end looks agressive, the roof looks classy and luxurious, and the stupid accent line instead becomes muscular. Maybe one day I'll make up my mind on this one
Verdict: Right now, good looking. Call back in five minutes.
Audi A6
The A6 looks expensive. It looks powerful. It looks like an original choice in the luxury field.
Verdict: I never said it looked good.
Audi A8
The official car of mobsters used to be the Lincoln Town Car. It looked imposing in black, was fairly luxurious, and had a big trunk for all of those corpses you have to haul around. The replacement should be the A8. Not much looks more imposing, especially in black. It's also extremely luxurious, being Audi's flagship. Even better, it comes with a Lamborghini engine in the S trim. So we can also assume that it's much faster than the old Town Car, which might be nice if you have a time sensitive whacking to take care of. I'll admit that I'm not quite sure how many corpses the trunk holds, however.
Verdict: Good looking, albeit in a Tony Soprano/angry bull dog sort of way.
